Saying “I do” entails a lot of preparatory questions that require answers before the BIG day. Such questions are for you to be so certain you understand what you’re getting into before signing the love-of-my-life contract. Janet Brito, PhD, a clinical psychologist and trained sex therapist in Honolulu, Hawaii, states, “Different values might produce conflict.” That’s why it’s critical to talk about everything as soon as possible to ensure you’re actually compatible.
Try asking these questions before marriage. These will ensure that despite your disagreement and differences, you can still find your common denominator; thus, making you a perfect match for each one. Most of these questions are drawn from Women Health Mag.
Types of questions to ask before marriage:
- Warm-up questions
- Personal values
- Family Planning
- Career goals
- Lifestyle preferences
- Sex
- Communication
Do you know some of the common questions that require answers before the wedding day?
— Lord Vincent Van Mendoza (@digitallourd) February 6, 2022
Warm-up questions
These are questions that basically make you get to know each other. You must have known these things during dating stage—but just in case you missed some of them, make sure to ask your partner.
- Does your partner like to read?
- What kind of music does your partner listen to?
- How does your partner feel about social media?
- Is your partner a dog person or a cat person?
- What kind of TV shows does your partner like to watch?
- What’s the best present your partner ever gave you?
- What kind of food does your partner like to eat?
- What kind of hobbies does your partner have?
- Do you have fun with your partner’s closest friends?
- What kind of clothing style does your partner have?
Personal values
Common values, when shared between couples, can be of immense help when conflicts arise.
- Is your partner religious?
- Do they make life decisions based on their religious beliefs?
- Does your partner expect you to participate in their religion?
- Is it an issue if you have different spiritual beliefs?
- Does your partner care about political issues?
- Do you and your partner belong to the same ideological party?
- Is it an issue if you have different political ideals?
- Do your partner’s political ideals impact their decisions?
- Does your partner enjoy the kind of work they do?
- How important is your relationship to your partner?
- Who are the most important people in your partner’s life?
- Does your partner concern themselves with current events?
- Does your partner volunteer?
- Who does your partner value spending time with most?
- What does it look like when your partner deeply cares about something?
Family planning
According to Department of Health, family planning provides many benefits to mother, children, father, and the family. For a mother, family planning enables her to regain her health after delivery; gives enough time and opportunity to love and provide attention to her husband and children; gives more time for her family and own personal advancement; and, when suffering from an illness, gives enough time for treatment and recovery. For a father, it lightens the burden and responsibility in supporting his family; enables him to give his children their basic needs (food, shelter, education, and better future); lives him time for his family and own personal advancement; and, when suffering from an illness, gives enough time for treatment and recovery.
- Do you and your partner both want children?
- Where would your partner ideally like to raise kids?
- At what point in your marriage would your partner like to start a family?
- If you give birth, how would your partner handle pregnancy and labor?
- How would your partner react if you had difficulty conceiving?
- Would your partner be open to alternative ways of becoming parents?
- What kind of childhood did your partner have?
- Does your partner have a good relationship with their parents?
- Do you enjoy spending time with your partner’s parents?
- Does your partner like the way they were raised?
- What would be your partner’s parenting style?
- Does your partner enjoy being around your family?
- What kind of family traditions would your partner want to implement?
- How many children would your partner like to have?
- What kind of child care would you like to have?
Career goals
“It’s lot simpler to achieve and appreciate your lifestyle and work goals if your partner shares them,” says Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a relationship therapist in New York. “The word ‘partners’ suggests that two individuals are cooperating to achieve a common objective.” Are you and your partner on the same career page? Before you make any major decisions, think about these questions.
- Where does your partner see their career in 10 years?
- Where do you see your career being in 10 years?
- How much time does your partner spend at work?
- How passionate is your partner about their career?
- How passionate are you about your career?
- Does your partner prioritize work over other aspects of their life?
- Does your partner view their occupation as their passion?
- How demanding is your partner’s job?
- Has work-life balance ever put a strain on your relationship?
- Does work interfere with the plans you have for life?
- How salary-driven are you and your partner?
- Does having a demanding job support the lifestyle you two enjoy?
- How supportive is your partner of your career goals?
- Do your individual career goals conflict with each other at all?
- How does your partner feel when they come home from work?
Lifestyle preferences
Couples should discuss their overall lifestyle, too. They should talk about their time being alone, being together, with family, and engaged in hobbies that they can both enjoy.
- Where does your partner want to live?
- What kind of home do they want to live in? (ex. house, apartment, etc.)
- Are they an introverted or extroverted person?
- How much money do you need to live the lifestyle you both want?
- How much time will they expect to spend with you?
- How much time will they expect to spend alone?
- How much traveling does your partner want to do?
- How often do they like to go to parties?
- How often do they like to stay in?
- Do they like sleeping in on the weekends?
- What is your partner’s ideal vacation?
- Does your partner like to cook or order out?
- What does your partner like to do after work?
- How much money does your partner like to spend or save?
- How important is exercise in your partner’s life?
Sex
According to Gigi Engle, resident Womanizer sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life, your sex life demands specific attention and should be given the weight it deserves in your relationship. That involves being open with each other about your private needs, not being afraid to spice things up when required, and scheduling sex in a way that is convenient for both of you, she continues.
- How often do you and your partner have sex?
- How often do you masturbate on your own?
- Do you know how often your partner masturbates?
- What kind of sex does your partner like to have?
- Are you satisfied with the way your sex life is right now?
- What is your partner’s favorite sex position?
- What turns your partner on?
- What turns you on?
- Is your partner open with you in terms of sex?
- Does your partner like to use sex toys?
- Does your partner enjoy any kind of BDSM?
- Is there anything you feel is missing from your sexual relationship?
- Do you know if your partner watches porn?
- How would you handle it if your sex life became boring?
- Do you and your partner prioritize sex?
Communication
The importance of communication in marriage is often undervalued, according to Pace (2021), because many couples believe that daily banter, or the lack thereof, has no impact on their daily lives. However, communication is the means by which all of the other crucial aspects of marriage are carried out. If you love someone but don’t express it through your words and deeds, you’re not being honest with them. If you have faith in someone, let them know. Inform them of the situation. Your marriage has a decent chance of being happy and healthy if you can communicate honestly. In fact, the importance of communication should be emphasized beginning with the wooing phase, as it lays the groundwork for a successful relationship.
- How do you know when your partner is upset?
- What does your partner do when they know you’re upset?
- Does your partner tell you when they have an issue with you?
- Does your partner tell you when they’re stressed?
- What does your partner do to make you smile?
- Has there ever been something you didn’t want to tell your partner?
- Do you ever fear your partner will judge you?
- Does your partner ever keep secrets from you?
- Do you have any trust issues when it comes to your partner?
- What do you and your partner typically argue about?
- What happens after you and your partner argue?
- Do you and your partner ever have issues apologizing?
- Does your partner ever hold grudges against you?
- How does your partner communicate their love for you?
- How does your partner make you feel safe and accepted?
Make sure you have answers to these questions before deciding on finally tying the knot. If you’re still in the course of preparing for your wedding day, grab the opportunity to ask your partner so that you can have a happy marriage life ahead.